For the rest of your life, you are stuck with yourself. But have you ever asked if you wanted to be your own Valentines?
Sure, we all giggle about the idea of our husbands and long-term partners asking us to be their Valentine’s every year, knowing full well it’s more symbolic than concrete. However, when was the last time you asked yourself to be your Valentine’s? Being Valentine’s Day, I wanted to remind everyone about the importance of showing up for yourself, checking in with your own needs and treating your body as tholeugh you were your own Valentines.
In today’s world, there’s a huge push in the idea that self-care should involve having a hoard of fancy pyjamas, a plethora of skincare, expensive candles and who else knows what. Self-care has evolved into just another way for big companies to make us feel like we aren’t taking care of ourselves because we’re not buying pricey hair oils or the latest lounge sets. With Valentine’s supposedly being the big day of love, this year, instead of making a dress or craft, I wanted to share with you the importance of self love, self care and checking in with yourself for anyone who like me, needs a bit more self-love.
Checking In?
When was the last time you actually checked in with yourself? Let me share with you a practice I use weekly that has really helped changed the way I navigate life and relationships.
-Finding somewhere quiet and still for your brain, sit in a relaxed position (I like to be cross legged on a wide couch as it helps my hips) and take a few deep breaths.
-Starting from your feet, really focus on how they feel; do they hurt? do they feel tired? do the blisters means you need new waking shoes or socks? How can you care for your feet?
-When you have all your answers, move up to your legs, knees, hips, gut, abdomen, etc, until you’ve gone through your whole body. Once done, you’ve made a bit of a mud map in terms of what your body may need.
-Sit in the stillness of your body, and give gratitude to all your body parts. Thank your arms for swatting away all those flies. Thank your ears for hearing your favourite songs and for your legs for dancing along whenever they can.
This practice of checking in, followed by gratitude, can really bring about mental clarity and calmness and make you feel more in tune with your body. From here, use what you have learnt about your body to make it comfortable, be it by eating something healthy, doing a few minutes of stretches, going for a walk, or even just washing your hair. This is also a great way to finally get a moment to book maybe a doctor’s appointment or even a beautician’s appointment (because my eyebrows will become one unit if left to their own devices). Making this time just for you is the ultimate form of self-care, as it’s personally tailored to your needs and allows you to take active steps into feeling better about your body and giving it some more love.
When it comes to love, I often hear that people don’t feel listened to. It’s not easy in todays crazy world to both hear, listen and then understand. It’s easy to say we’re all just tired and stressed but by doing a self-checkin and practicing our gratitudes, it really is a great first step to better understanding ourselves, advocating for our needs and feeling motivated to make better changes for our bodies.
I have heard similar exercises where people are asked to stand in front of a mirror and then do the self-check, but personally, I find this really uncomfortable, and I’m happy to just be comfortable and look at my body instead of my reflection.
Often after a good check-in, I like to create a list of things my body needs: be in doing some maintenance (painting toe nails or shaving that part behind my knees that I forget about and it turns into a forest), focusing on consuming something healthy like making a fresh juice or something yummy for dinner, or focusing on mental enrichment such as sewing, dancing or crafting. Post-check in is always a good time to realise what your body wants and needs and going about that for the next little while. It is Valentine’s Day so show your body a little extra love by giving it what it needs.
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
Nat King Cole
Self Love: learning how to love, love and know thyself.
Whenever I thought about self-love, I had this notion that it was loving every part of yourself without a fault. I never achieved this, which haunted me for years as I thought I kept telling people about how to self-love, yet I still can’t master it myself. What changed for me was thinking about what love, loving and being loved actually meant to me. For me, love is the ultimate freedom to be yourself, the good and the messy, and to find joy and acceptance within that. It’s about trust and communication (both within yourself or with a partner), and it’s about having trust within yourself. Sure, I can say I love myself, but do I trust myself? Doing things that are out of my comfort zone sometimes means I feel scared or overwhelmed; I now simply check in with myself and ask if I actually trust myself to get the task done or do the thing I’m scared of, and I’m so surprised by how this has changed how I feel about things. By fully trusting myself, my ability, my mind and my creativity, even within the last year, I have already achieved so much. Oh, and some therapy has helped, too.
In the infamous words of Haddaway, “What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more”. If you know what love means to you and you know how to show yourself love, it becomes easier to navigate all your relationships. I’m one of those weirdos who feels things just a little too much or strongly, I know where it all stems from, but this can sometimes make it difficult for me as I run the risk of feeling a little too much or a burden for others. It’s taken me a little while to realise that it’s ok to be a burden; if I didn’t get the kind of love I needed as a kid, I can get it now, be it from myself, my partner or friends. It’s through my check-in times that I really focus on what kind of love I need and deserve because we all need and deserve love. I have actually learnt a lot about my attachment styles, worked on many rejection fears and even learnt how to put up boundaries and set goals for myself. Relearning how to love, just by checking in with myself, has really helped me shift into what I hope to be a slightly healthier form of self-expression, self-agency and also self-confidence. I now trust myself to make better decisions for myself, and I am also making sure to listen and trust how others around me want to love.
From here, along with my check-ins, I have also been able to figure out how I love both others and myself. Loving others comes easily for me; I love being able to show love, play within relationships and create safe spaces for others. However, I’ve also learnt that through these check-ins, the way I give love also is a reflection of how I feel in general and towards others. As a very affectionate and passionate person, I can only behave as such when I feel completely safe and trust those around me. The bigest hurdle for my own self-love journey is realising that I don’t have to accept someone elses form of outwardly love towards me if it doesn’t feel good, safe or comfortable.
Advocating for greater love for yourself, especially from others, comes from you first. It is not easy to accept yourself, flaws and all, but the more time you spend with yourself, check in with yourself and listen to your needs, the greater you will become at knowing how to ask for what you need as well as how to take action to feel loved.
Self Care:
You do not need to buy anything new in order to practice self care. Trust me I know the boost of dopamine you may get from a new item but I’m sure you will find everything you need already around your house and at the end of the day, no one cares how unaesthetically pleasing your sweat pants are or how stained your favourite head band is. Self-care has become a billion-dollar industry with companies pushing this idea that without their products, we are unfulfilled and we don’t care about ourselves. The answer isn’t to buy mass amounts of wastefull products, but to simply enjoy the little things. I have a whole blog about heaps of self-care things to do that will not break the bank so check that out below;
It’s easy to get swept away at the idea that Valentine’s Day needs to be some big, grand and romantic gesture. It always looks better on Instagram or TikTok if your partner pulls out all the stops but remember that self love, being loved and loving others is such a rare and powerful things, you don’t need to share it online. Love and intimacy go hand in hand, I’m not saying that you have to go charge ‘old faithful buzz buzz’ and have an amazing evening, unless you want to then go for it babes, but intimacy between yourself and your partner can be just sitting really close and chatting about things you havn’t really talked about before. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical and both need to be supported and nourished be it alone or with a partner.
It’s easy to feel that self-care just involves doing a sheet mask or using a new bath bomb in the tub, and sure, that’s included too, but self-care is more about knowing how to listen to your body, trusting it and then creating a strong relationship with it. Life is really unpredictable; you can’t put all your self-worth completely in another hand, so always remember to check in and learn how to live with and love yourself and your body. Valentine’s Day can be fun, but after the roses have died, the chocolates are gone and the teddy has started gathering dust, you are still within your body and that deserves constant love too.
Valentine’s Day reminds us to love others; our friends, family and partners. However, we often forget to spend as much time loving, undertsnading and connecting with ourselves. When we really know ourselves, whether the check in and gratitude work for you or some similar method, we can better advocate and stand up for ourselves, our needs and boundaries. Our bodies consist of the physical and mental aspects that create this idea of who we are, we all want to be loved but we also need to love, trust and know ourselves.
This Valentine’s Day, whether you are spending it alone or with others, remember you are spending it with yourself. In fact, every Valentine’s Day, you will spend with yourself, so it’s time to really learn to love yourself, practice self-care and get to know you. When you learn to love yourself, both the good and the bad, you will end up being happier, healthier and stronger mentally. Personally, I’m having a very quiet Valentine’s Day, but I’m most looking forward to going for a long walk because it feels great for my body, and I get to chat with my husband and hang out with him with no hindrances or screens anywhere.
Wishing you all lots of love this Valentine’s Day!
Note: This is not a sponsored post. All opinions and thoughts expressed are solely my own and not influenced in any way. There are no affiliate links and I do not benefit from any link clicks or purchases made.