Most of us as kids are subjected to bullying and we all hope that as we grow up, it’ll stop. Sometimes it does, but unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t. Finding and accepting your true self is often quite difficult and it can be made even more challenging if we express ourselves differently from societal norms. Thanks to the internet, we are able to find like-minded networks and communities where we can be accepted and understood most of the time. However, the way humans work, there will always be jealousy and misunderstanding amongst us. As part of the pinup community, I’m sad to say that we sometimes have misunderstandings and complications of our own. As far as I’m aware, there’s no outright bullying or abuse but sometimes even snarky comments can hurt. What do we do about this like adults?
Jealousy really is the green-eyed monster. It’s common in large groups for people to form smaller bonds and friendships of their own. This can sometimes cause jealousy. Jealousy is always a difficult issue because a lot of the time the issue can’t be easily fixed. If someone is jealous of you, it might just mean that they want the things you have or are achieving and are themselves struggling. If someone does come across as jealous, it would be nice to offer help and assistance rather than ignoring them. By spreading love, we can combat hate.
If you feel jealous towards someone for whatever reason, perhaps ask if they are happy to help you achieve your goals. If you don’t feel comfortable, perhaps pinpoint what you are jealous of and make your own plans to reach their level. For example, if you are jealous of someones dancing skills or makeup skills, perhaps join a class or try out some tutorials. That way, you can turn your jealousy into positive motivation. Don’t hate, participate. Read my blog on jealousy here.
You’re not going to please everyone. No matter how hard you try, some people will just not vibe with you despite your efforts. If you notice it’s not working, just focus on making yourself the best person you can be. Don’t hold on or try to make the other person like you; you will be wasting your precious time and effort that could be put towards the people who actually care for you. Don’t become blinded by negativity.
Avoid confrontation; especially in public. If someone makes a public display of abuse or is publically rude to you (this includes online), do not fight back with hate. If this does happen to you, you have two main options; ignore them or reply. It’s hard to give you an exact way to react without knowing the situation but never fight back physically and always try to remove yourself from the situation as best you can.
Fight back with love, not hate. Instead of throwing back hate, insults and more negativity, remember that the person could be really hurting inside and dealing with their own problems. Sometimes bullying is a manifestation of hurt and pain from external environmental factors that people face. By offering love and support, you can sometimes make the bully realize that there is no need to bullying you if you are offering love only.
Believe in yourself, even when no one else does. It’s not easy, but if you have a dream, fight for it. Don’t put others down, destroy other people’s work or invoke any negative action to get your dream because karma will swing back around and get you. Believe in yourself above all. Be realistic about your goals and try to create a strategic plan to reach your goals. Can you take a course or something to get information or inspiration? Don’t turn to bullying to make yourself feel better and don’t let the bullies get to you.
Focus on the positives, not the bullies. It always seems that we believe the negativity more than the positive reinforcements in our lives. We are more likely to listen to the bullies rather than those who support us. If you find yourself doing this, you risk driving away people who genuinely care and being consumed by the negativities the bullies are sprouting. Listen and believe to all the positive forces that are around you. You are bound to have someone close to you that thinks you’re amazing no matter what, even if it is just a parent… thanks Mum.
Don’t be fake; be yourself. Never pretend to be anything other than yourself. Sure it’s easy to fall into the trap of creating the perfect life and blasting it all over social media, but there are bound to be people who know who you truly are and they will always be worth more than thousands of followers. When it comes to pinups, for example, it’s easy to fall into the trap that life is this perfectly constructed vintage fantasy; this can also put a lot of people off and make you come across as fake. Don’t be afraid to show who you are and be vulnerable; that way, people can find you more relatable. By being yourself, you can stop bullies by showing them that you are not afraid to laugh at yourself.
If you are faced with physical bullying or abuse, call authorities. Physical violence is never ok and you need to protect yourself.
If the bullying is severely affecting your mental health and happiness, seek professional help by seeing a counselor or psychologist. You can always join a support group or create a supportive group of your own.
Don’t feed the bullies. If you see someone being attacked, especially online, don’t feed them more information that could hurt the person further. By sharing screenshots you can really hurt the other person.
Remeber you’re an adult. Act like one; especially if you are looked up to by children. Set an example of how to truely solve problems like an adult.
Ignore the bullies are remembered just how fabulous and amazing you are.
Remember you are loved. You are special. You are worthy. Your dreams can be reached.
Links to get help: